"Let's not go through the place of ancient evil." -Joe
"Dude, I'd love to go there. I'm like four levels higher." -Eric
"But apparently not four levels smarter." -Julie

Below are featuring the comedy stylings of the inestimable and inexplicable Third Street Games Consortium. I picked up on the quote recording phenomenon from Amber, where it is nigh unto sacrilege not to record the myriad of stupid things said during a gaming session.

  • The Un-Named AD&D campaign
  • Judenheim AD&D campaign
  • Ingcassel D&D campaign (ongoing)
  • Miscellaneous AD&D quotes
  • Chill campaign(ongoing)

    The Un-Named Campaign

    Session 27

    Shorty: "I'm going to get more aquainted with my pony, since all I've done so far is ride it really hard."

    Welveren: "I'm going up the stairs. If you hear a commotion-I'm in trouble."

    Will: "A controlled evil looks the same as an evil evil."

    Will: "You do not get a save."
    Chris: "That's because you opened the door like a big dummy."

    Will: "....he pulls out a bone, breaks it, and speaks three arcane words."
    Eric: "You die now."

    Session 28

    Joe: "It's the elk lodge... it's like a moose but different."

    Ken: "I'm still throbbing?"
    Will: "It's gone down some. It's more like a hemmoriodal itch now."

    Julie: "I'm going to become his shadow."
    Gary: "You mean you're going to sew yourself to his feet?"

    Session 29

    Welveren: "Could you lay your hands on our poor noble friend here and make him feel better?"

    Will: "The orange blob drops the green blob and pulls out a blue blob."

    Will: "Something dances between your legs."

    Micki: "I'm going to grab my dagger and see if I can't get it into this... thing."

    Will: (in a conspiritorial whisper...) "A lightening bolt would hit everyone in the room..."
    Chris: (indignantly) "Including me!"

    Chris: "I begin sneaking around to backstab myself!"

    Chris: "I go on zero! Can I kill myself?"

    Chamberlain: "Do you have anything against ogres?"
    Makain: "Taste really bad..."

    Session 30

    BIG hungry red dragon: "In whose name do you travel across my lands?"
    Welveren: "Here's where I would normally claim credit, but I think I won't this time..."

    Joe: "I look for a tree to kill!"
    Will: "Where's the Monster manual...?"

    Welveren: "Makain, would I look more wizardly with a staff?"
    Makain: "What you need more people for?"

    Session 31: "The Wheel of Cheese" adventure...

    Chris: "I will appraise the cheese!"

    Eric: "I might give my loyalty to that cheese over there..."

    Chris: "Now all we need is for Makain to go 'Pizza, Pizza'."
    Will: "No, 'Cheeser, Cheeser'."

    Welveren: "To me - to me! I have protection!"

    Eric: "You blow on her or something?"

    Chris: "I'll move so that Garion and Danarra are within my cube."

    Eric: "Whee! I have a spaceman!"

    Eric: "It's a male and female spaceman."
    Micki: "Huh?"
    Eric: "They have their parts on backwards."

    Eric: (said jokingly)"Is it just one, or are there 18 of them?"
    Will: (rolls dice) "No, there are 18 of them."
    Eric: (suprised look) "D'oh!"

    Chris: "I get it off."

    Will: "You do who?"

    Chris: "You don't know that I'm evil - except for the fact that I told you."

    Session 32: The "Mad Pig" Adventure, or "What happens when your PCs take a random encounter to extremes...

    Eric: "Undead are chicken-shits, don't you know that?"

    Ken: "Mad flaming pig!"

    Makain: "Not eat mad pig."
    Ken: "Why, get mad pig's disease?"

    Will: (to Makain, the minotaur) "He slashes your calf,"
    Eric: "Son!"

    Will: "The pig has no diseases."
    Eric: "The pig is dead!"

    Julie: "Just think of it, an army of undead mad flaming pigs!"

    Will: "Forget these pansy undead creatures. I'll just throw animals at you from now on."

    Eric: "The great Litch Dr. Doolittle..."

    Will: "It lets you give diseases to things... like mad pigs..."

    And just when you thought we couldn't get more mileage out of it....

    Makain: (pointing to flamb-ed, 10 foot bombadier beetle) "Eat, good!"
    Welveren: "NO! Mad beetle!"

    Welveren: "I want to kill it. Let's all move away."

    Will: "A shower of arrows falls upon you."
    Ken: "Shoot."
    Joe: "They did."

    Session 33

    Alexander: "You want to bring him back?!"
    Welveren "Look at the SIZE of him!"

    Welveren: (after lightening-bolting the Orc she had just charmed) "... Probably makes the charm wear off."

    Ken to Eric: "I'm as slow as you are stupid."

    Chris: "I'd love to die a man, but I just can't right now."

    Session 34

    Eric: "I'll be the first gelatinous cow!"

    Micki: "Snorting an old guy... eeewww!!!"
    Joe: "That's using your nose."

    Eric: "It doesn't say death, but it's very important."

    Will: "That's all they do. They show up, say 'BOO!' and you get old. They might as well just go home then."

    Joe to Micki: "You get the worst noogie of your entire life."

    Eric: "Unfortunately I'm not specialized in food carpet so I don't get two attacks."

    Ork ghost: "Betrayer! You killed me. I loved you!"
    Welveren: "Only because I cast a spell on you. Quit whining!"

    Julie to Joe: "Well hang on. I have to get it up first."

    Joe: "Oooh. Who do I get to be?"
    Ken: "Umm, you can be the Great Champion!"
    Joe: "What do I get to do?"
    Ken; "Uh, die."

    Ken: "Great. The entire kingdom abuts Hell now."

    Session 35

    Welveren: (the elf, who is trying to hide in a crowd of dwarves) "I sneak away."
    Will: (most amused)"You try and get lost in the crowd..."

    Welveren: "Do you have books?"
    Librarian: "But of course."
    Welveren: "Can people read them?"
    Librarian: "But of course."
    Welveren: "Is there a charge?"
    Librarian: "But of course."

    Will: "So, how many spikes do you want?"
    Micki: "Well, at least one for my head..."

    Joe: "He's the Pope!"
    Will: "He's naked to the waist."
    Ken: "He's not the Pope."

    Alexander to Shorty: "If you detonate that next to me, I will... haunt you."

    Welveren: "I've been traveling abroad for some time."
    Ken: "You've been a traveling broad for how long?"

    Welveren: "Back away! Get far away from the fountain. Let's get a good distance away... Okay! *KABOOM*"

    Welveren: "Shall I prove to you the fullness of my heritage"
    Joe: (muttered)"The fullness of something."

    Eric: "Just think of the cinematography! You could have dropped it right there and they would have gone *WHOOM*"
    Micki: (pointing to Joe/Alexander) "And so would he!"
    Eric: "No, he's behind the door. You would die."
    Micki: "I don't want to die!"
    Eric; "But then, you have the five-kiloton dwarf!"

    Chris: "I have a ring of mind shielding! She can't tell if I'm lying or not! bwahahahaha... that is one of its powers, isn't it?"

    Funny only to us-
    Welveren: "Where are Alexander and Shorty?"

    Session 36 Will to Chris: "You do not see any Drow within earshot."

    Shade: "I'll go west. West is alweays bad, unless it's right, and then it's good."

    Danarra: "Shorty, do you know anything about hidden doors?"
    Shorty: "A bit."
    Danarra: "Then come look at this one."
    Shorty: "But it's not hidden anymore!"

    Ken: (Upon finding a malibdeous spirit) "I know this is probably a stupid question, but is it evil?"

    Ken:(On same spirit) "This thing wacked Odin. *I'm* not touching it."

    Session 37

    Shade: "A door can be ajar, it just can't be a bucket."

    Joe to Shade: "That's right, I'm supposed to duct-tape you..."

    Shade (sarcastically): "With a 20 on Healing, I think this is a dragon, right?"
    Will: "Could be. Not enough legs."

    Shade: "At this moment, I'd like to take the opportunity to scream, 'ALEXANDER!!!'"

    Joe: "I wonder if that voice is more echoy in Makain's head?"

    Will: "All the wizards go in one group, all the fighters go in the other. I love this."

    The Sybil: "Your coming was fortold."
    Shade: "Oh, I hate prophesies."
    Joe: "Oh, you're in the wrong group..."

    The Sybil to Welverin: "There is something not right about you."

    Shorty: "I think our friend in learning the joy that is Welverin."

    Chris: "It's a Brazier of Fire Elemental Summoning and control, right?"

    Session 38

    Will: "It's called an ambush. They're good for that sort of thing."
    Julie: "Bad guys?"

    Joe: "He has pointed ears, right? He might be special."

    Shade: "...white and pasty. I'm either undead, or an elf."

    Eric: "Alexander goes first... twice."

    Will: "What you can make out is a bunch of people you presume are your friends."

    Joe: "Taharqua!"
    Shade: "Yes?"
    Joe: "Sorry, just clearing my throat."

    Shade: "I do have perception. I just didn't know where it was..."

    Will: "You hear a sound something like a Cuisinart."
    Joe: "It's a Cloak of Blending!"

    Joe: "I have a small plan."
    Will: "A small plan?"
    Joe: "Usually my big plans get me in trouble, so I'm hoping a small plan won't."

    Chris: "I put on the amulet."
    Will: "Your mind becomes clear..."
    Shade: "All your spells are gone!"

    Session 39

    Joe: "... because you're male; you're weird."

    Will: "It flaps up into the pink sun."
    Shade: "His heart?"

    Will: (describing how deeply Makain sleeps) "You will sleep until the intervention of a major religious figure."
    Ken: (pointing to Julie/Danarra) "Good thing we have one right here..."

    Eric: "Come on. Take a bite of the pomegranite of Plot."

    Welverin: (On being awoken for watch) "I can't wait until I have underlings to do this."
    Ken: "Sleep?"

    Storm Lord: "You slew my horse! I should slay you!"
    Welverin: "Was not your intention in coming for us to slay us?"
    Storm Lord: "You are worth more to me alive."
    Welverin: "Oh. Then forgive me for your horse."
    Storm Lord: "Throw down your weapon and I'll consider it."
    Welverin: "Uh... no."

    Ken: (mimicing NPC bandit) "Ah!Ah! There's a dwarf on my leg!"

    Joe: (preparing to leap onto his runnung horse) "I don't want that stamina damamge... saddlehorn."
    Shade: "You get away and get a job as a singer."
    Ken: "A soprano!"
    Eric: "It's Alexander Jackson!"
    Shade: "Hey, get that one gauntlet; it'll be perfect!"
    Eric: "And if he grabs himself, he really will be the King of Pop."

    Shade/Taharqua: "'Do some magical stuff', yeah! You're a paladin, do it yourself!"

    From the final session of this intrepid party....

    As Makain falls off the dragon...

    Will: "Do you have anything that makes you fall in a more humane fashon?"
    Eric (scanning his character sheet) "A ring of swimming?... I don't suppose the food carpet flies?"
    Will: "No, especially not rolled up."
    Eric: "I could hit the ground running..."
    Will: "Oh, wait. You might hit the wall..."

    Alexander: "I need to know those things I need to know."

    Joe: "Where is the head of the king of the dwarves?"
    Will: "On his shoulders..."

    Chris: "I summon an Earth elemental.."
    Will: "It appears."
    Chris: "Does it kill me?"
    Will: "Not instantly."

    Micki: "How many actions per round do you get with your head?"

    Joe: "I need something to starchify these dogs in my stomach."

    Welveren: "If I'm not back in 24 hours... Oh, well."

    Ken: "I jump down onto the dragon!"
    Will: "Make a jump roll."
    Ken "I don't have jump."

    Chris: "I didn't even get my nipple!"
    Eric: "Not the first time..."

    Chris: "I wish I had a cube of firey minotaur resistance."

    "Moo-Fu Beef." -Bad minotaur joke

    Will: "He really has nothing to do with himself."

    Chris: "It's cool to be a megapumulous sorceror of evil."

    Talthensis: "I could treat some of your injuries... if I had a player's handbook."

    Eric: "Chris, what did you tell me the brassiere of Doom did?"

    Eric: (after Chris' character slept with the necromancer) "Does that make you a necrophile?"
    Chris: "I didn't do it with her dog!"

    The Judenheim Campaign

    From the Character Creation Session

    "If you don't break the law, he doesn't break you." -Will

    "Do I have to go through the twelve step paladin program?" -Joe

    "I think this code makes me pledge to be brainless." -Joe

    "Clerics have to do worksheets?" -Micki

    "I have an honest job...( long pause) Shut up! I'll think of something!" -Eric, discussing his thief character

    "I'm most likely to squash myself in a fight." -Bill

    "If I were female I'd buy a large chest." -Chris

    "You might find it hard to have a bath without company in a brothel." -Micki

    "Mine's bigger than yours." Micki, to Bill

    Session 2

    "My sportsmanship stops when women start jumping all over me." -Bill

    "Here I was, all excited about having touched it with my bare hands. -Chris

    "So, is it a bet?" -Gunder
    "During the day?!" -Benjamin
    "You can make bets during the day..." -Gunder

    "You realize there is a tax on all financial transactions." City watchman
    "Spell!" -Mylin, attempting to charm him
    "T-A-X." -Will

    "At least I'm not in serious danger of bleeding to death if I get a papercut." -Benjamin, to Mylin

    "You know, by attaching myself to this group, I will burn in hell." -Delin, the paladin

    "What is it, the great book of various and sundry variable sundries?" -Chris

    "Mental note: Only spelunk on roofs at night." -Chris

    "I thought he had a frustrated 'Somebody's playing with my gargoyle' look on his face." -Ken

    "What is wrong?" -Old archivist
    "Zombies. Dead things that don't want to be dead, that don't act dead, so they're not dead." -Mylin
    "There are many things down there. That's why we lock the door." - Old archivist

    "This is the comedy of first level thieves." -Eric

    And the session Hideous Pun Award goes to-
    "The original concept was a bard. It became a mage after heavy fiddling." -Bill

    Session 3

    "Yeah, we have a higher profit margin than anyone else."- Eric
    "Yeah, until I tell god what you did!" -Micki

    "The Palm of Na?" -Eric
    "The Might of Ther?"- Bill

    "Am I the only one who noticed Chris' elf sounds like William Shatner?" -Bill

    "How about things that make vast quantities of fire?" -Benjamin
    "It's called 'wood'." -Adelaide

    "I can't imagine cows making cheese at all." -Joe
    "Milking them would hurt." -Bill
    "Squeeze cheese." -Joe

    "I generally hire only young boys. They're easier to discipline." -Dario the greengrocer

    Session 4

    "What kind of glop is this?" -Bill
    "Italian." -Joe
    "It's flavored with real Italians." -Will
    "Mmm. Beefy." -Eric

    "It's eight inches thick. It slides along really slowly and makes a scraping noise." -Chris

    "We'll open the door. If it floods, we'll close it." -Joe
    "You do need those proficiency slots in advanced physics." -Will

    "They just eat things. They don't open doors." -Benjamin, on zombies

    "... a wall, coated with lichen." -Will
    "I'm not liken' this." -Joe

    "Their tongues are like 20 feet long." -Will
    "And the female frogs are like 'Yeah!'." -Chris

    "I spend everything concentrating, so my armor class goes from suck to blow." -Bill

    "I try and follow the tongue back to its source." -Chris

    "I pass out. (looks at sheet) Wait. I don't pass out, I die." -Bill

    "These are perfectly normal giant frogs." -Will

    Session 5

    "I know I rolled the maximum time I could probably be dead..." -Bill

    "We have how fast you move by yak." -Will
    "Regular or shaved?" -Bill

    "These dice don't like you..." -Will

    "I'm calling on the power of god. It hurts him instead of me." -Micki

    "At full strength, I don't think I can lift my spellbook." -Bill

    Session 6

    "Does he have any idea what he's talking about?" -Bill
    "Do you have detect lies?" -Will
    "How about detect stupidity?" -Micki

    "Who needs an adventure? We have Chris." -Joe

    The party opens a door to find a brick wall...
    "If you keep building and building a city, things like this will happen." -Ken
    "Not if you do it right!" -Chris

    Discussing the loot, or lack thereof...
    "We got a box." -Gunder
    "It's magical." -Delin
    "Does it do anything?" -Gunder
    "I think it gets heavier the longer you carry it." -Delin

    "Are you aksing the cleric out?" -Julie
    "Yes, god-damn it!" -Bill

    The Session that Wasn't

    "I don't think I have enough control with just my pinky" -Joe
    "He can touch himself." -Bill

    "I don't know much about adult toys." -Deanna
    "I do." - Bill

    "What do they put in those, alfalfa?" -Will
    "You could shave it and put it on your salad." -Julie

    "Hey, that's my breast! If I touched you there would that be okay?!" -Bill

    "You know, I'd be afraid if someone said 'your right hand has a different personality than the rest of you." -Bill
    "Normally yes, but it's okay if it's a puppet." -Joe

    "These are three of the most evil, sadistic women, who do mean things to me and cause me to lose control of my bodily functions." -Bill

    "Like I know what I'm saying half the time!" -Bill

    Session 7

    As the party turns yet another random monster encounter into a buffet...

    "It might be a problem, as this character doesn't have animal handling... so, let's kill it!" -Ken

    "As soon as you open the door, a large figure starts shambling toward you." -Will
    "Close the door!!" -Joe

    "What's the natural predator of lobsters?" -Bill
    "Melted butter." -Joe

    "Dread Cthulhu Jr."-Joe

    "You can't measure lobster in liquid measurements!" -Bill

    "Transmute lobster to chowder." -Bill

    "The weakest is the red slaad." -Will
    "No, there's one weaker - the 'cole-slaad'." -Joe
    [the room erupts in laughter at the pun, except for Chris]
    "Why didn't I get that?" -Chris

    "Can you please invent a name for an NPC that doesn't involve you coughing? -Bill, to Will

    "You know, when we started this adventure, I didn't envision us as becoming the 'Sewer Knights'." -Chris

    Session 8

    "As a paladin, are you allowed to say 'piss-poor?" Chris, to Joe

    "Has he given me any reason not to believe him? Whi shouldn't I trust him?" -Micki
    "Because he's a goofy elf!" -Joe
    "But I'm frugal." -Chris

    "It galls to sneak around the sneaks." -Delin

    "Dodge that, Flip-Boy!" -Joe

    Session 9

    "He's short and he's got a beard. He's a dwarf, dammit."-Ken

    Discussing sanctified unholy water
    "That seems a copius quantity." -Mylin
    "I must make sure I have enough. Part of the procedure involves boiling it." Untapish
    "He's making distilled evil!"-Joe

    "Hey, I did something successful with my body!" -Bill

    "I'm really good at putting arrows in ceilings." -Gunder

    Regarding the arrow Gunder shot through the trap door in the ceiling
    "I suppose it shall have to remain there as a testament to my glory." -Gunder
    "Or at least as a door handle." -Lar


    "She's the finest piece of lass that you'll ever see." -Will

    "What is the purpose of the sewers, Joe?"-Will
    "...shit." -Joe

    "It's not Dungeons and Dragons without the dragons." -Will

    "It has that bloated look of something that has drowned." -Will
    "That's gross." -Bill
    "It's supposed to be groos; it's a zombie." -Will

    "Bald men are dangerous." -Chris
    "You're not bald." -Bill
    "I'm nearly bald, so I'm nearly dangerous." -Chris

    "You're big, aren't you?" -Chris
    "Last I checked." -Joe

    "I'm also a vampire of death!" -Chris
    "Isn't that redundant, Chris?" -Joe


    "I lick big men and stick them to my forhead." -Chris

    "How about we take one of [the guardian skeleton's] skulls and hit the door with it?" -Baoh
    "How about we take your skull and hit the door with it?" -Delin

    "He's so big he's plural." Eric

    "I'm thinking of calling them as witnesses." -Delin
    "To what? Our stupidity?" -Boah

    "We're not going to ostracize you, we're just going to laugh when something bad happens to you." -Baoh, to Benjamin


    "Somehow I think a battle of wits would devolve into just a regular battle." -Gunder, discussing his mercenary tablemates

    "The Primeates had a meeting last night." -Priest of Leorne
    "Those damned dirty apes!" -Joe

    "The Moon will provide." -Priest of Leorne
    "Lunatics!" -Eric

    "Do you know how bad I would feel if any one of you would die, especially me?" -Delin


    "Which one is closest?" -Chris
    "The Temple of Phenali." -Will
    "We'll go to that one first." -Chris
    "You'd think you.d have to hit Phenali last." -Joe

    "I don't want to be 'lizard-face' Gunder." -Chris
    "That would screw up your chances with the women." -Julie
    "But I'd have a long forked tongue." -Chris

    "I think Gunder's battle cry will be 'Goddess of Luck, guide my shaft!'" -Chris

    "We're not as hale, we just live forever." -Gunder

    "Well, you can't be heroic on an empty stomach!" - Joe


    "I'm so glad you didn't go into medicine." -Eric, to Julie

    "Only big men stick to Eric." -Geordie


    "Why are all your money people gnome-like?" -Joe
    "Who else would gravitate to money?" -Will
    The two thieves raise their hands

    "Let's not go through the place of ancient evil." -Joe
    "Dude, I'd love to go there. I'm like four levels higher." -Eric
    "But apparently not four levels smarter." -Julie

    "So we go into the 30x50x50x20x20 room." -Eric
    "That's FIVE DIMENSIONS!" -Joe

    "Somebody told us that... maybe it was Chronicles the Liar!" -Joe

    "It sounds like a good plan, but it's coming from Gunder." -Delin


    "We can't stay out of trouble; we're in a den of evil!" -Joe

    "You could reach Joe, and you didn't even have to turn your hips!" -Eric

    "They.re wearing black robes." -Joe
    "How do we know they practice the black arts? Maybe it's a cultural thing." -Chris

    "Kill them! Take their cots!" -Chris


    "You'd better get busy, Chris. It's coming up again." -Geordie

    "Hmm... you impaled her pelvis." -Will, after Ben shoots the witch
    "Congratulations, Eric - you nailed her." -Joe

    "That's all thirteen [wizards]?" -Chris
    "Yup." -Will
    "It's a baker's coven." -Chris

    "He turned inside out and exploded." -Will
    "Does that mean he imploded?" -Micki

    The Ingcassel Campaign

    "The monk certainly gets a woody every time you cast enlarge on him." -Ken

    "[Aubin] gets a +4 because it's not moving, and [the goblin] loses his dex bonus because he's dead." -Will

    "Who are you talking to?" -Nigel
    "My companions." -Bastian
    "I thought you said you were alone?" -Nigel
    "I was, but now they're here." -Bastian


    "I see segmentation faults in my job all the time, but they're never good." -Chris

    "Intimidate: It's the best social skill." -Eric

    "Do not attempt to flank the tree!" -Chris

    "I will grasp the gem and command [the tree] to stop." -Ken
    "So you grab your ball and pray?" -Eric

    "You did hear me say we can resurrect you..." -Ken
    "Yeah, well, I'm a little busy being dead right now!" -Julie

    "You find a hole about twenty feet deep." -Will
    "Who's going to carry that?" -Auben
    "It's a non-portable hole." -Eric

    "[The entrance to the deep, dark dungeon] is calling us!" -Ken
    "'Hey, morons!'" -Julie


    "There is a puff of oily green smoke." -Will
    "How cliché." -Julie
    "That's how things work in Will's world." -Eric
    "How? Cliché?" -Julie

    "He's trying to create higher order magics!" -Mareus
    "Can he do it?" -Matrim
    "He's trying to teach others how they can do it." -Mareus
    "You know what they say about those who can't do..." -Eric

    "Oh, that was a really abysmal roll." - Will
    "Whoo!" -The group

    "He touches the tree [to call down the lightning bolt]." -Will
    "You're not grounded." -Eric, to Ken, who is levitating
    "Does that help?" -Ken
    "Yeah." -Julie
    "Really?" -Ken
    "Nah." -Eric, Joe and Julie

    "Let's see, does he [the Drolm] have any attack spells left..." -Will
    "No." -Aubin
    "Oh, yes." -Will
    "No!" -Aubin

    "Do I generally know how much it takes to make him healthy?" -Joe
    "Not much." -Will
    "Generally a couple of 'Cure Light' will do it." -Ken
    "He's a cheap date." -Julie

    Miscellaneous AD&D quotes

    "You detect no evil in the privy." -Will

    "Why do you have to confuse the issue by being right?" -Bill

    "I have to be cryptic; it says so." -Will

    "Stop being cute and kill something, would you?" -Bill

    "Will you help me with my corpse?" -Alora/Kelda

    "It has its jaws locked onto the back of your neck." -Will
    "I assume I feel that..." -Bill

    "The question is; do you feel lucky enough to put a sling bullet between his legs?" -Will, to Eric, re: Ken's character
    "You do *not* feel that lucky." -Ken

    "All this talk is so much literary masturbation." -Ben/Eric
    "Do you even know the words 'literary' or 'masturbation'?" -Julie
    "It's so much book-like spankin' it." -Chris

    Chill - Horror gaming at its most hilarious...

    After two spectacular shots that kill the monster.... "This won't violate my 'won't kill' edict, will it?" -Chris

    "You're scared of spiders, aren't you?" -Chris
    "Only extremely." -Todd

    "You looked friendly; thought I'd have a chat." -Mysterious stranger
    "No, we're very irritable." -Chandler

    "Okay, how much of a review do we want?" -Joe
    "Who are we?" -Todd

    "Not not tactful horror. So it is tactful?" -Eric
    "Yes. No tentacles." - Joe

    "I can't find the words to describe how hideous the monster was, but I'll do an interpretive dance." -Chris

    "I'm going to perform an exorcism. I have that book..." -Will
    "The Necronomicon?" -Julie

    "Joanne Fabrics and Firearms." -Julie

    "So what's in the alley?" -Eric
    "Hopefully not a dead end." -Todd
    "Oh come on. Would I take you down a dead end?" -Chris
    "Chris, roll your luck." -Joe


    "Nothing but love for you, Chris." -Eric
    "I know." -Chris
    "Nothing... but love." -Eric
    "You're scaring me." -Chris
    "I'm practicing." -Eric

    "You hear a noise." -Joe
    "I shoot it." -Todd
    "You can't see anything yet!" -Joe
    "Like that's ever mattered before." -Todd

    "The figure appears to be wearing skintight clothes." -Joe
    "Awright!" -Chris
    "And is male." -Joe
    "Oh." -Chris

    "In a previous life Chris was a Latin American soccer announcer." -Eric

    "Okay, I realize I've been playing Chill too long to ask the question: 'Is there anything weird going on with the zombie?'" -Todd

    "Did we just let Chandler go off by himself with all out money?" -Todd