[Moments of Adoration]

This is pretty much the sort of scene I'd expect out of the two of them.

Jack sprawled across the foot of the bed, pants still on, but loose around his hips; he was wearing those ridiculous smiley-faces-with-devil-horns boxers Sam had talked Teal'c into buying him for his birthday last year. One hand propped up his head. The other did a lot of nothing. "Nah, just thinking."

Asshole - that was what Daniel was thinking. "Oh. Well, can you think later, maybe? Because, well..."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry." A sudden slick of cold and thank God, Jack's fingers again worked their way up, down, up. Canting his hips to give Jack a better angle, Daniel settled into the comforter and thrust into Jack's grip. Right there... right th-

This time he yelped when the hard strokes stopped, his skin crawling with the need to finish. And Jack, Jack was just staring at his dick.

"Would you like to share what you find so particularly fascinating about my penis today?" Stupid question - he read that loud and clear in the roll of Jack's eyes. "You know what I mean, Jack. You keep… looking at it."

One shoulder jerked in a shrug as Jack poked at Daniel's dick. "I was just wondering who's bigger."

Oh for God's sake. "What, are you twelve?"

Jack tweaked the head and Daniel's hips bounced up off the mattress. "No, curious." And then he did it again, leaving Daniel so close to the edge that he wanted to scream. Or kick Jack on the balls. "I just though it'd be interesting."

"And exactly why," Daniel forced the words through gritted teeth, "is an empirical comparison necessary?"

And there it was, that shit-eating grin. "You know how Carter's always going on about the importance of hard data."

Later, Daniel would blame the hand job interruptus for the sudden, vibrant image of Sam - clad in nothing but a lab coat - taking very detailed measurements of him and Jack with strong, sure fingers. He cleared his throat twice and announced, "Jack, we are not doing this."

But Jack was already wriggling the rest of the way out of his pants. He tossed Daniel the bottle of lube and sprawled onto his back. "Go on, perk it up."

"No. I refuse to participate in this... this... really dumb idea." Daniel rolled away, dragging the sheet across his lap. Behind him, the sheets rustled and Jack let out an exaggerated moan.

"What's wrong, Daniel? Afraid you're not going to measure up?"

Contemplating just shoving Jack off the bed, Daniel said, "Look who's talking, Mr. 'Look at the giant penis enhancement in my driveway.'"

"Hey! That's not fair. I use the truck to haul... stuff."

Oh, yes, there it was, the chink in the armor, and Daniel didn't waste the opportunity. He aimed low and said, "I don't know, Jack. You get a bigger one every year. Maybe feelings of inadequacy creeping up on you in your old age?"

Direct hit. Jack shot upright and threw the lube at Daniel. "Fuck you, Daniel. Oh wait, that's not going to happen again anytime soon." And then he was gone, storming out, pants in hand.

And Daniel collapsed back on the bed, reaching for the lube with one hand and his dick with the other. Guilt blurred the pleasure as he started to jerk off, but not enough to quell the contented groan as he worked himself back to orgasm. Though he eyed himself speculatively before he let the fast rush overtake him.

Maybe Sam would loan him her nice, digital calipers.